Stay Gruntled

The following is an email from the VP of Accelerated Data Works, the company I work for. This is the kind of company policy that makes me wish I could stay here forever:

KentKent Tambling, purveyor of truth and protector of the company gruntle.

OK, this trend of disgruntled former employees, band members or whatever showing up and rudely machine gunning ex-associates is out of control.

To insure the safety of our company, the following is to be considered company policy:

If you feel you are about to become disgruntled, please talk to me immediately. I will help keep your gruntle at an acceptable level. If you feel your gruntle is becoming lost, I’ll help find it. If necessary, I will touch your gruntle and help you grow it back. Maybe share some of my gruntle with you. We should all share our gruntle. Gruntle is a special thing we often fail to cherish as much as we should. If some morning you are thinking, “I’m becoming disgruntled”, you should stop, drop and roll in some regruntling fluid. I have plenty at home, safe from insurgents, in my garage. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you come to the office, or my home, while you are experiencing a gruntle deficit. STAY WHERE YOU ARE, we will come to you. Gruntle is a terrible thing to waste. Stay in school, drink your gruntle. Just say no to disgruntling. From here on out, think of me as the gruntle candy-man. I’m all about your gruntle. Make gruntle, not war. And in this holiday season, be thankful for family, and plentiful gruntle for all.

Its because we care.

One comment on “Stay Gruntled

chrispian says:

That’s awesome. Where do I sign up?

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