Dear Cyberwoven Coworkers:
The Plague® has become a common occurrence in our office that can easily be avoided by washing hands often, not contacting hands with face, and avoiding mouth to mouth contact with coworkers. The Plague® is a widely available infection that provides proven inefficiency and project latency in any office environment. The efficacy and safety of The Plague® has been studied with in home trials by nearly half of the Cyberwoven office population.
Please keep in mind that The Plague® isn’t right for everyone. If you have opposable thumbs and breathe oxygen, you should not get The Plague®. When experiencing The Plague® alone or with other conditions such as The Mondayâ„¢, the risk of immobility may increase, so let your office manager know before initiating sick time. Please check with your doctor before starting The Plague®. If you experience insomnia, nausea, discolored urine, low blood sugar, diarrhea or an erection lasting more than four hours, please keep this to yourself, as they may be signs of an all-to-common condition known as TMI, which has been reported by certain individuals, usually less than 2 hours after starting infection. Other rare but serious side effects may occur.
You can read more about preventing The Plague® at:
https://health.google.com/health/ref/Plague#Prevention
Seriously though, it’s time to stop whatever bug has been going around our office. Let’s all use hand sanitizer, eat well, stay hydrated, gargle with salt water if you’re getting a sore throat, and get plenty of rest at night.
Sincerely,
Dr. Jason